Update on Porn Challenge

pornography addiction.jpg

I am now closing out this Porn Challenge.  I went 90 Days and have determined that it was more work than it was worth.  It wasn't all for not.  I know now I don't "have" to have porn and shouldn't get into a state where I must have it in order to be "sexual".  I also have learned that there is a benefit to pro-longing a release through not engaging in porn all the time and shamefully numbing my sexuality with it.  I.E. it is "okay" for me to feel sexual in public.  Before this challenge, I had no idea that I had been doing this.  And it also helps me to seek out dates rather than numbing myself.  Some of the benefits I was experiencing may have also been due to weight loss and reductions in certain medications.

The idea that I experimented with that I could somehow use porn to "start with" and not "end with" during stimulation was impossible for me to live by.  It was just simply too tempting.  Trying to stop porn and stimulation all together was pretty much shaming and an immediate "no-go" for me, which you have read about.  I don't see that as healthy.

 So, I'm reflecting back on this question: Was the 90 Day Porn Challenge a failure for me?  It did cause me some unnecessary frustration at points and did encourage some false hope too that I would be both totally free of it and yet somehow fulfilled. I do see the website itself as both a help and a trap in that sense (here I'm referring to the source of the challenge, www.yourbrainonporn.com).  However, I don't think it was really a failure for me, personally.  I have made some necessary adjustments and I have learned some valuable lessons.  The trap would have been for me, and for anyone who isn't dating or getting any action out there, if I had taken the cause of no porn and no stimulation--essentially living under the rules of a Catholic priest.  I  know via experience that once I get a date going into relationship, I lose all interest in this vice per say.  But until then, I learned to make some adjustments and I'm not going to drive myself crazy with it.  

I cannot speak for true sexual addicts and my review of this challenge is not an end all answer. The website www.yourbrainonporn.com has many different testimonies to the process and claims of success.  I think everyone's experiences and results may vary and each person should find what best works for them as well as working a physician or therapist.  Will I have to revisit this again? Who knows, but for now I'm moving on.    

The links below refer to posts that show some of my process and go top down, from most recent to earliest. 

http://www.gotwords.org/new-blog/2015/5/28/i-found-my-penis

http://www.gotwords.org/new-blog/2015/5/8/porn-challenge-pt-4

http://www.gotwords.org/new-blog/2015/4/29/dvdq9kqicge8c8c2j10griivwn5pn7

http://www.gotwords.org/new-blog/2015/4/21/got-porn

http://www.gotwords.org/new-blog/2015/4/4/whats-porn-got-to-do-with-it